Between Passion and Purpose

I'm not a perfect person, an ordinary girl but limited edition. That's my way to think about my own self. When I was child I had a desire to be a doctor, like another children. I wanted to be an engineer also (of course before I knew that Engineering School could make me crazy). When I watched a Korean drama entitled All About Eve, I wanted to be a reporter , a journalist or a news reader. If I saw my family, I wanna be a teacher or lecture like my lovely grandma. So many dreams in my past.When I remember it, I begin to ask myself, how can I work like this now? Not a doctor, not really an engineer (yes, I'm an engineer staff but I think my job is about administration like a secretary and synthesis like a scientist or researcher) and I'm not a reporter or a journalist although I always try to write and write paper or another engineering document everyday. So question is, who am I??

Who am I? What do I want to be in the future? Is it a mistake for me to be here? So many questions I cannot answer because I don't know about myself well. It's me but I don't know what I really want.



I love science. I love research. I can be a researcher but it's not a right place to be a researcher. want to research what I want, but it's impossible. My research is limited to what is the trend. Huh.. Hate it.

I love writing. Here I can write paper, document. But I don't have enough time to write short story, article, poems, or novel (my dreams since I was in elementary school).

I love teaching. Since I was not a student, I never taught again. I love it when I can share my knowledge to children. And now, officially, I miss it.

I love my job here but I always find a reason to say that it's not my passion. May be it's my purpose to get a settled job here. I don't have to be worry about my future here, even when I'll get older later. But it's not my passion. Can I combine it? Can I work without any passion? My purpose is to be an engineer so I can collect much money by handle so many project. But my passion is in research, writing and teaching. I don't care how much money that I can get from the job. But I can enjoy it. I think I choose to be a secretary so I can socializing with another, I will have more time to write what I wanna write. Or I can be an engineer that do my research in my way so I can manage my time and I still have my time to do what I want. Another choice, I will continue my study and be a teacher or lecture like my dream, I can write about my experience everyday so I will not miss my writing time like now and i still can research what I want, not based on what is the trend.

Yeiyy,, may be it will be an enjoyable if I realize it soon. I feel bored to be here without any progress in my mind. Every one call me public service but I never give anything to them because I still work by my purpose without my passion. Like so many people do here. Poor me.

So, purpose and passion must be balance. If you just go your life with your passion you will never satisfied with what you achieve, but if you just go with your passion, you will say, what the benefit of it. So complicated. That's way we need both purpose and passion to run our life better than before. Like my favorite shoes's quote, passion is our fuel and purpose is our engine. It will never be separated.

Oh my...